I Start Work Tomorrow

Tomorrow, I begin my job at Glenwood Community Church as an intern. As far as I understand it, I will be helping organize and participating in the yearly rafting trips that the church provides for the young adult and youth groups.  I'm pretty excited, honestly, because I am thinking about Bellingham way too much.  Every day at sunset, the memories and thoughts just flood back to me, and I miss it a lot.  Anyway, I hope that having something productive to do with my days will ease up on all my thinking.  

I think a lot.  One of these days I am just going to let loose on someone with all of my ridiculous ideas and things that I think about. I feel sorry for whoever is there when I do let loose.  I will apologize in advance.  

Here's one: Who am I?

No.

Really. 

Because different people see different aspects of me, and each person sees me differently.  And throughout it all, I think "Be yourself." I sit silent in moments that I want to speak up and unleash a slew of words on someone who says something's "retarded." Or I want to stand up for myself and quit taking all the junk to which I have become numb. 

But to stand up for hurt and unpresent or to stand up for myself isn't "myself." People don't expect that from me. 

Like my massive "word vomit," there will soon come a time when the Brandon that doesn't talk is going to speak up.  And it's going to be really awkward for everyone there, because they will never have heard me actually speak my thoughts , and they won't be used to the words coming out of their mouths being questioned. 

Call me whatever you want to. Politically correct. "Liberal." "Hippy." 

You can blame it on my friends back north, you can blame it on Western Washington University. You can blame it on ResLife and "diversity" training.

But I am sick and tired of living passively in a system that I so desperately wish to change. And it starts with standing up for others and myself.